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Monday, March 28, 2011

Overcoming Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a serious issue that is often looked down upon and kept secret in communities. Terri Jendusa Nicolai spoke last week about her abusive relationship with her ex-husband that almost cost her life. Although, Terri had been through hardships most of us will never have to experience, she has a positive outlook and a great sense of humor.

Terri stated, just as many other victims of domestic violence do, that her husband did not show very many signs that he was abusive at first. She said his seemingly "loving" habits were actually controlling habits. For example, when she would want to see a movie with her sister, he would tell her he wanted to take her. However, they would rarely do things Terri wanted to do and as time went on she became more secluded from her family.

On the night of their first day of marriage her ex husband hit her several times in the head because she didn't want to eat what he wanted her to eat. At first she thought she would just leave him, but the thought of not having financial stability and being a single mother led her to put up with his abusive behavior. Eventually, she finally left her ex husband in fear that her two daughters would be abused and that they were constantly living in fear.

Her ex-husband then continued to try and control her by making her change babysitters and having multiple custody hearings. However, when Terri remarried he realized he had lost all control of her. Therefore, he decided to coax her into his home, beat her to the point of near death, and place her in a garbage can. He then placed the garbage can in a storage facility with freezing temperatures. The police eventually found Terri barely alive and took her to the hospital, luckily she only had to get her toes amputated.

Terri's chilling story reminds us that we should be very observant about our partners or any other person we have reliationships with. They should never be abusive verbally or physically. Often the signs are being controlling, pushing other loved ones away, saying hurtful things when they are upset, and if one of the parents are abusive.

Terri was just happy to be alive and blessed with three children, one of which with her new husband. She was very clear that she believed God was the reason for her survival and she believes it is her purpose to spread her story to help others before they get into these type of situations. I'm glad I was able to see her speak and listen to her positive outlook, it made me more appreciative towards domestic violence cases. There are many shelters around the U.S. and they are always donation locations-anything from shampoo and toys can be donated for these families. Anyone that wants to donate can bring it up to the Intercultural Life Office.

Felicia

Friday, March 4, 2011

Daryl Davis "Klan-Destine Relationships"

In the first week of February Central had the privilege of having Daryl Davis present Klan-Destine Relationships. Before the presentation we had a dinner with Daryl in which a few of the Intercultural educators and other students were able to ask Daryl questions about his travels. It was interesting to learn how he could not understand how people could hate him just because of the color of his skin. He believed that you should not hate (not that you should hate at all) someone that you didn't even know. However, his mission was to "befriend the enemy". He felt if he could just get to know those who hated blacks, perhaps both sides could get to understand each other a little better.

During his presentation, he told us numerous stories of the encounters he had with members of the KKK, some civil and some much more aggressive. One member he met with several times and the first few times were very tense, however eventually the two grew to have a form of respect. Daryl would come watch him speak at KKK rallies, and this member would eat dinner with Daryl. Daryl explained that while he did not respect the view points of the KKK members, he did respect their right to express it. Daryl felt the key to a successful conversation was one in which both parties listened respectfully to the other. It can be very difficult to accomplish this, especially when we feel so heated about the topic. However, it is important to learn these skills to become a better communicator and also to help us grow. Sometimes we have to have these difficult conversations in order to learn and grow.

This advice really hit about two weeks after Daryl’s visit. I had my own much unexpected encounter with a person who felt negatively towards blacks and other races. I stood listening, feeling so hurt and angry at the things this person was saying to me, but I did my best to try to understand why this person felt the way that they did. Unfortunately there was no major break through, I'm sure this person is as ignorant as the moment we had that conversation. However, I learned something about myself. I was proud that I did not attack them for their view points and that I stood up for something I believe in. I think that what Daryl was really trying to say to us, stand up for your beliefs respectfully and perhaps eventually we'll get somewhere.

Your Intercultural Educator,
Shannan O