Overcoming Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a serious issue that is often looked down upon and kept secret in communities. Terri Jendusa Nicolai spoke last week about her abusive relationship with her ex-husband that almost cost her life. Although, Terri had been through hardships most of us will never have to experience, she has a positive outlook and a great sense of humor.

Terri stated, just as many other victims of domestic violence do, that her husband did not show very many signs that he was abusive at first. She said his seemingly "loving" habits were actually controlling habits. For example, when she would want to see a movie with her sister, he would tell her he wanted to take her. However, they would rarely do things Terri wanted to do and as time went on she became more secluded from her family.

On the night of their first day of marriage her ex husband hit her several times in the head because she didn't want to eat what he wanted her to eat. At first she thought she would just leave him, but the thought of not having financial stability and being a single mother led her to put up with his abusive behavior. Eventually, she finally left her ex husband in fear that her two daughters would be abused and that they were constantly living in fear.

Her ex-husband then continued to try and control her by making her change babysitters and having multiple custody hearings. However, when Terri remarried he realized he had lost all control of her. Therefore, he decided to coax her into his home, beat her to the point of near death, and place her in a garbage can. He then placed the garbage can in a storage facility with freezing temperatures. The police eventually found Terri barely alive and took her to the hospital, luckily she only had to get her toes amputated.

Terri's chilling story reminds us that we should be very observant about our partners or any other person we have reliationships with. They should never be abusive verbally or physically. Often the signs are being controlling, pushing other loved ones away, saying hurtful things when they are upset, and if one of the parents are abusive.

Terri was just happy to be alive and blessed with three children, one of which with her new husband. She was very clear that she believed God was the reason for her survival and she believes it is her purpose to spread her story to help others before they get into these type of situations. I'm glad I was able to see her speak and listen to her positive outlook, it made me more appreciative towards domestic violence cases. There are many shelters around the U.S. and they are always donation locations-anything from shampoo and toys can be donated for these families. Anyone that wants to donate can bring it up to the Intercultural Life Office.

Felicia

Daryl Davis "Klan-Destine Relationships"

In the first week of February Central had the privilege of having Daryl Davis present Klan-Destine Relationships. Before the presentation we had a dinner with Daryl in which a few of the Intercultural educators and other students were able to ask Daryl questions about his travels. It was interesting to learn how he could not understand how people could hate him just because of the color of his skin. He believed that you should not hate (not that you should hate at all) someone that you didn't even know. However, his mission was to "befriend the enemy". He felt if he could just get to know those who hated blacks, perhaps both sides could get to understand each other a little better.

During his presentation, he told us numerous stories of the encounters he had with members of the KKK, some civil and some much more aggressive. One member he met with several times and the first few times were very tense, however eventually the two grew to have a form of respect. Daryl would come watch him speak at KKK rallies, and this member would eat dinner with Daryl. Daryl explained that while he did not respect the view points of the KKK members, he did respect their right to express it. Daryl felt the key to a successful conversation was one in which both parties listened respectfully to the other. It can be very difficult to accomplish this, especially when we feel so heated about the topic. However, it is important to learn these skills to become a better communicator and also to help us grow. Sometimes we have to have these difficult conversations in order to learn and grow.

This advice really hit about two weeks after Daryl’s visit. I had my own much unexpected encounter with a person who felt negatively towards blacks and other races. I stood listening, feeling so hurt and angry at the things this person was saying to me, but I did my best to try to understand why this person felt the way that they did. Unfortunately there was no major break through, I'm sure this person is as ignorant as the moment we had that conversation. However, I learned something about myself. I was proud that I did not attack them for their view points and that I stood up for something I believe in. I think that what Daryl was really trying to say to us, stand up for your beliefs respectfully and perhaps eventually we'll get somewhere.

Your Intercultural Educator,
Shannan O

Singles' Awareness Day

Yesterday was Valentine's Day.
A day to spend with your loved one,flowers,dinner,gifts...

What about all the people who have to suffer through that one day of the year knowing that "Yes I am Single" is not necessarily a good thing. Everywhere we look we see advertisements meant for couples. Even the school's anti-Valentine night played a romance movie..The two characters fell in love at the end.

My friends got hand-cooked meals, coach purses, flowers, and someone to celebrate it with.
I tried to treat February 14th like any other day of the year except for a group of girls and I had a great time watching tv and eating our Valentine..Ben&Jerry Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream.
We danced to songs from the '90s, took too many pictures and attempted to forget that we are single.

This month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Throughout this week of love, lets keep in mind that some people do not have that special love one yet..or that love one is not really a loving one. Just like I plan on not letting a couples drive me crazy...

- Jessie

Work of art.

On Tuesday I was blessed enough to attend one of Ralph Moisa's workshops.
Maybe I’m just a sucker for these types of things… but I found myself so touched by the history and lives of Native Americans.

I was first moved when Ralph explained the symbols on the teepee—the colors especially. The teepee is outlined in circles created by the colors white, yellow, red, and black. Why? Because this is how the world describes themselves and others, by colors. I’m yellow, you’re black. I’m red, you’re white. Ralph enlightens us, “Yes, our identity is deeply rooted in these colors. We cannot have them prevent us from interacting with those who are different from us. The colors work together to form the circle. We must work together to form the world.”

That’s beautiful isn’t it? The world will be so much better if we work towards better it by breaking down walls and allowing ourselves to shine through others.

Another thing that I absolutely loved…

Every year, Ralph and his clan hold a huuuuge pow wow. They invite the public to participate with them. Not just that, but they invite people from many many cultures to join in and dance with them. This pow wow is a big celebration and an opportunity for Sudanese, Vietnamese, Irish, Thai, Cambodian, Indian, and etc. to dance together.

We are all different, that is what makes it beautiful.

We all work and play in harmony while embracing our similarities and differences, that is what makes a work of art.
Ralph briefly shared the heartbreaking history of Native Americans. He doesn’t dwell too much on it though. He acknowledges the horrible treatment that his people endured. Yet he tells us that we only need to know the history so that we can prevent it from repeating.
This is why he hosts the Pow Wow every year—so others can learn about his people’s past and work towards preventing anything like that from happening again.

How beautiful.

your's truly
Trinh

To learn more about Ralph Moisa and the White Eagle Pow-Wow please go to http://www.whiteeaglepow-wow.org/1.html.

Veterans Day

It's not surprising that Veterans Day hits close to home for most of us considering how many families have members who have served or are currently serving. When I think of past and current soldiers on this day, I always consider the amount of sacrifice that surrounds soldiers. There is the heartache of his/her parents, children, and spouse; the unimaginable physical and mental strain a soldier is under; and the emptiness of a country with all these young men and women abroad.

I think this Veterans Day in particular will be a politically charged one considering the war in Iraq hasn't been conclusive yet. However, I really hope that soldiers' names and contributions will not be quoted in vain or used in a political platform as has been done in the past. Even though I don't agree with war, that does not mean I look down upon soldiers. They are much braver than I and are very noble in their cause to defend people they know nothing about in order to maintain the security of the nation. Overall, I hope this Veterans Day serves its purpose, which in my opinion is for all citizens to show appreciation and empathy for all those that have served.

P.S. Intercultural Life will be selling patriotic silly bands for 50 cents each! You can choose from the Statue of Liberty, bald eagle, Liberty Bell, etc. in Maytag on Veterans Day (November 11) from 11-1 PM. All of the proceeds will go to a charity that sends care packages to soldiers serving abroad.

Felicia

Spirit Day: The Aftermath

In 2005 a school mate of mine wanted to start a Gay-Straight Alliance at our high school. Ours was the only school in the district that didn't have one and she decided that if even one person wanted such a club there must be others. Together we filled out all the paperwork, convinced our principal it was a good idea, and set to work making fliers and buying snacks.

Over the course of a year every poster we put up was ripped down. Twice, I caught upperclassmen scoffing at our work before tearing the posters from the walls. Only one poster survived because after being torn down once our sharp-eyed librarian made it her business to keep it on the wall and unharmed.

It didn't matter because word got out and people began showing up. We'd sit and talk about anything we wanted. We'd never had a club before and didn't know what to do, but we knew we could just talk. We came up with grand schemes.

"Let's buy out a movie theater and play RENT."

"What if we protest the football games for that time the quarterback called us fags?"

"No, we need to have a stand at the school fair where we give out resource materials and condoms."

"Our school doesn't have a school fair."

"Oh. Fine, we'll just hand out condoms. Take that school board."

None of these plans ever came to fruition but it didn't matter. We had somewhere to meet, somewhere to talk, and somewhere to be who we wanted to be without fear of being teased. I, having been too stubborn and the size of a high school student while in elementary school, had never felt the physical side of bullying. Instead I got to see the effects it had on those who either identified as LGBT or had been labeled that way by others. The pain each time someone talked about being called a cruel name, or being shoved in a locker was palpable.

Bullying is a serious issue in our society. Many times people will laugh it off saying, "Boys will be boys!" or "That's just the way teen girls act." But these bullies are leaving marks on the minds and sometimes bodies of children who will grow up to fear being themselves. Some don't even get to grow up.

Yesterday, to honor those who have committed suicide after being bullied for being LGBT, people across the nation wore purple. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) made the request that people wear purple and dubbed yesterday, October 20th, Spirit Day. On our campus many people took up the cause, which would explain all the purple you may have seen yesterday.

On behalf of Intercultural Life I would like to send out my thanks to those who participated and to those who didn't but still stood behind the efforts of GLAAD.

And as for the club started back in my high school? It fell apart not long after its president graduated, but that didn't stop one freshman from stepping forward and letting me know that the club had been something amazing. He told me that in that brief time he got to see that people could accept him for who he is and who he wanted to be. It encouraged him, and all of us, to stand up to anyone using "gay" as an insult.

Perhaps you, dear reader, don’t support LGBT issues. Perhaps it doesn’t mix well with your upbringing or religion or whatever. But surely that doesn’t mean you can’t support the idea of being true to who you want to be. I have met many people in my life and the ones who feel they can be open and honest about who they are linger longest in my memory. And I hope that because I do not fear being who I want to be, I will linger in their memory as well.

Consider as you go forward today, or tomorrow, or any day in the future: "Am I allowing those around me to live their lives how they want?" If the answer is yes, then thank you.

Have a wonderful day,

Izzy

Body Image

When we hear body image, we almost immediately think about women.  How women are treated because of their bodies and the negative views of the media.  But what about men?  Don't men have bodies too?

This year Love Your Body Day will be held on Oct. 19th. While love yourbody.nowfoundation.org is a great resource, and worth looking into, this educator has a problem with their sole focus on women.  An article titled, "Masculine gender roles and differentiation: Predictors of body image and self-objectification in men" talks about how media and other factors influence men, just as they influence women.  While both sexes feel pressure, they feel it in different ways.  Men often feel pressure to be muscular and strong whereas woman feel the need to be thin (Schwartz,Grammas, Sutherland, Sifferet,Bush-King, 2010).

Unfortunately, these concepts have some truth.  As an athlete I understand the desire to be thin, muscular and strong.  However, there is a fine line between being healthy and being self-destructive. The problem with this is, who's the judge? Who sets this standard, this unreachable goal? We often blame the media. It's the media's fault that they portray such skinny girls and bulky boys as ideal.  But it's not truly the media's fault, I feel its more of a cycle.  We criticize celebrities for having the "ideal" bodies, and complain how ridiculous it is to look like them, but when the public sees a normal body shape, they criticize that too.  

While there is no true solution to the problem (at least not a quick fix) of these "ideal" images floating around, we can change what we're going to do about it.  We can change our own view of body image and how we see ourselves.

Intercultural Life will be doing an event in honor of Love Your Body Day (tentatively) Tuesday, October 19th in Maytag from 11-1:00.  We will have a table set up where you can make your own button to show how you are changing your perspective about body image.  If we create a positive image of ourselves, we can hopefully creative a positive image for everyone. 

We hope to see you there.

Your Intercultural Educator,

Shannan O.